Thursday, September 24, 2009

Personal Essay Rough Draft

Four Tickets

Ticketmaster is the enemy. No matter how early you are online or at the box office for the pre-sale, you will get bad tickets. Just face it, deal with it, and move on. Move your ticket buying needs to the over priced ticket scalpers of the world. If you work for Ticketmaster or know someone that does; sorry if I have insulted you, but it’s the truth.

February 9, 2008; Day one of Operation JONAS. Operation I need to see my favorite band in the entire world, I’ll never ask for anything ever again, please, please, please! Sitting in the back room of my mom’s work, I count down the minutes until 10 A.M. Eastern Standard Time. I set my phone alarm, twice, and check the three clocks in the room ready to hit the numbers on my phone at EXACTLY 10 A.M. Because only at 10 A.M will tickets for the Jonas Brothers’ “Look Me in The Eyes Tour” go on sale. I need to get one of those tickets no matter what.

Dad stood in line at the box office, and two Ticketmaster retail spots; I called over and over and over again; my mom in between seeing patients was online pressing refresh over and over again. After thirty minutes and no tickets I knew it was now or never. It was time to give up on Ticketmaster and pay $400 a ticket from some ticket resale website. How the scalpers get the good seats in the first place is beyond me. But nevertheless, After four hours of buying and getting the payment to go through, my tickets were in the mail. Four wonderful pieces of paper that would gain me access to the best night of my life.

“So if you multiply side A by side B you should get twice as much as Side D.”

Right about now the only side I want is the cold side of my pillow at home in my bedroom, sleeping. But I’m in Pre-Algebra class 8 o’clock on a dreary Monday morning. All of a sudden someone nudges my arm and points to the other side of the room. Gabriela is sitting there waving her practice dry-erase board around, as I’m trying to read it while it flew throughout the air I see a glimpse as she pauses to answer a question.

“39 days,” It is February 11, 2008, exactly 39 days until March 20, 2008, the day of the concert. Every day up until March 20th we counted down the days instead of counting the algebra problems we had to do. By day 19 I’m positive everyone in our class just wanted it to be March 21st already.

Finally to my classmates and my delight it was March 19th. Tomorrow was the concert and then it was a three-day weekend! I told myself over and over that I would remain calm about the concert. Lets just say that sleeping the night before seeing those three lovely boys in the flesh is close to impossible. Unfortunately, not sleeping equals one big headache the day of the concert. All those hair products didn’t help all that much either.

My sister and I spent all day getting ready: perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect, outfit, and of course the perfect pair of plaid converse all stars. We packed our bags because we were staying at a hotel in Boston that night. Maureen and I sat in the car bouncing up and down waiting for our parents to get in the car.

T minus two hours until Operation JONAS. Too bad traffic went as far as the eye could see, that’s Boston rush hour traffic for you. After hoping and praying the traffic let up and it was smooth sailing to the Agganis Arena. Thankfully we had bought parking passes so we didn’t have to walk six plus blocks. Pulling into the driveway leading to the parking garage underneath the arena something caught my eye. Tour Buses! Not just any tour bus but the Jonas tour bus! And wait, what’s that or should I say who’s that? Their opening act Rooney and the Jonas Brother’s drummer Jack Lawless were less than 45 feet from my car door! I knew immediately that the night would be amazing.

Entering the arena I followed the signs to section Floor 9. My sister turned to me to ask if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her. I have to say it was the best trip to the bathroom ever. We walked to the closest security worker and he pointed us to the makeshift “Ladies Room” sign that was covering the sign for “Men’s Locker Room”. The ladies room was inside the men’s Boston University Hockey Team’s locker room! Maureen and I walked past a security guard standing in front of a blue curtain. All of a sudden three people walked behind the curtain followed by a smaller person and a big beefy guy. Hmmm, I think Joe, Nick, Kevin, Frankie, and Big Rob just walked by! We were so excited we were 3 feet away from who we thought were the Jonas Brothers! To this day, I still don’t know if it was them or not.

After the opening acts Valoura and Rooney performed there was an extremely long break. But finally after an hour of waiting, the lights dimmed and the opening bars of “Year 3000” started up. The crowd roared to life screaming, screeching, crying and chanting, “JONAS! JONAS! JONAS! JONAS!”

The crowd danced and sang and the flashing of the cameras never stopped. Then, three quarters through the concert, everyone left the stage. We looked around confused as the stadium lights came up. Then, a single spotlight shined on the top of a staircase onstage. The stadium lights went back down as Nick Jonas descended the staircase to the white grand piano waiting for him. He started to play the soft melody of a new song and stopped. He pulled the microphone closer and told us his story of being diagnosed with diabetes.

“Sometimes, life brings all its complications, throws you an unexpected curve ball. That’s what happened to me about two and a half years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes, we were in the middle of touring, it turned my whole world upside down. On the way to the hospital, I made a commitment to myself that I wouldn’t let it slow me down. And I’m here to tell you that it hasn’t slowed me down. And I know that there are some of you out there tonight that just need a little help, somebody who just needs a friend. Disappointment after disappointment you’ve finally had enough. I had one of those days about six months ago so I sat down and wrote this song, but let me tell you something. Tonight, tonight this song is for you. This song is for every broken heart, for every lost dream, for every high, and for every low. Boston, Massachusetts this song is for you. Now what I want you to do right now is I want you to sing this out with all your heart and with all your soul.”

As I looked around at the crying audience, I said something to myself. “A little bit longer and I’ll be fine.” I have had my own struggles personally with anxiety and I think to myself every day, if Nick can, I can. He is my role model for not letting diabetes get him down. And I am not letting anything slow me down, because of that one concert, that one night, that one song, that one speech, that one boy, I am stronger.

After the concert my family and I got in the car to go to the hotel. But first, another possible Jonas sighting. We were sitting in the car in the jam-packed garage. No way out at least for another half-hour. Just as I was complaining about how long it was taking and how we should leave through the freight elevator, something came down it. Figures of the Jonas Brothers, their family and security. Hmmm!

The day that I bought those four tickets, I knew it was going to be a fun night. But one thing I didn’t know was how that one night was going to change my life.


  1. Hey, Lauren--did you do anything special to get yr paragraphs to indent? And to get double spacing? It's nice and easy to read! (I'd like to be able to pass along hints, if there are any.) More substantive comments to follow...

  2. I just copy and pasted my document from word into the post area. I made the mistake of putting it in the html space instead of the compose section.

    My essay was already doubled space so at each paragraph I hit the space bar four times.


  3. How awesome it is when the show is even better than what you were expecting? Sure, you knew it was going to be a fun night, but you were able to take home something beyond just a t-shirt or a poster. You brought home a new attitude that obviously changed you for the better, and you had a connection with someone you idolize. Good stuff.

    Honestly as far as review goes, not only am I not great when it comes to writing, but to me it's already a well written essay. It can put whoever is reading in your shoes, and they can feel like they are there experiencing everything.

    Here's what I could muster up:

    <~~ Gabriela is sitting there waving her practice dry-erase board around, as I’m trying to read it while it flew throughout the air I see a glimpse as she pauses to answer a question. ~~>

    It's a bit of a run-on. Perhaps started a new paragrah after "around", or just adding "and" after the comma to make it a compound sentence would do the trick.

    <~~ Hmmm, I think Joe, Nick, Kevin, Frankie, and Big Rob just walked by! ~~>

    Maybe make that a quote?

    That about all I got. I just have one question unrelated to reviewing about this:

    "Hmmm, I think Joe, Nick, Kevin, Frankie, and Big Rob just walked by! We were so excited we were 3 feet away from who we thought were the Jonas Brothers! To this day, I still don’t know if it was them or not."

    If you love them so much how the hell did you not know it was them?! haha some fan you are!

  4. Excuse me TIM! I am the biggest Jonas Brothers fan on this Earth.

    The only reason I wasn't sure if it was them is because i could only see around the curtain ( tops of heads, shoes)...... :)

    Anyway thanks for the review

  5. Holy Jonas! Ha! So, for a 15 year old, you write super duper well! At 15 I was still figuring out how to cross my I's and dot my T's. :) Haha. Very good job!

    The only real problem I thought that could be worked out is maybe you could introduce the other people in the story? Give a little background as to who they are, the connection you have with them and how you came to know them. Make it seem more personal. Maybe you could just introduce them in the beginning as the four people that are receiving the Holy grail of Jonas.

    Just a thought. Good job though. You are very well educated and it certainly shows!